She opened the mailbox to find a single sealed envelope. Her hands shook as she relocked the box, mysterious envelope in hand. The handwriting seemed familiar to her but there was not return address so she could not be sure. When she opened her apartment door, a sense of foreboding was palpable. She sunk into the couch, her mind unaware of the unidentifiable sounds in the street below her window. She fingered the envelope slowly, examining its shape, size, and weight. The stamp pictured a rare bird she did not recognize. Her head was pounding with anxiety as she flipped the envelope over, preparing to slip her finger under the flap to finally open it. A ringing phone in the kitchen frightened her and caused her to slice her poised finger on the envelope's edge. She took a breath and refocused. The envelope contained a single sheet of white paper with seven words. The broken clock could not tell her how long she sat, rereading the note: "I knonw your secret, my lovely dear."
The following morning he found her door partially open. As it squeaked open, he saw that the apartment was entirely empty, save a single piece of white paper lying in the middle of the floor. He picked it up and read the words: "Secrets are glorified lies, I fear."
Monday, September 21, 2009
Friday, August 14, 2009
My mind
If my mind was a room it would be perfectly square and rather large in size. I only like 90-degree angles, because they look the cleanest. Also, 90-degree angles allow for straight parallel or perpendicular lines. Everything in my brain is set up linearly - no kitty-corner or catawampus configurations. The walls would be painted a pale yellow because I find the color optimistic. The door - positioned neatly at exact center of the wall - would be red, accessorized warmly with a WELCOME mat decorated with daises and ladybugs.
In the far left corner from the door my number masters would have their space that looks like a fusion of Wall Street and a professors chalkboard. The back left corner of my mind loves numbers. I can pass a license plate with the numbers 328 and a flurry ensues. I begin to find all the ways in which the numbers are related. 3+ 2 = 5 and 3 + 5 = 8. Also, 8 - 2 = 6 and 3 * 2 = 6. Furthermore, 32 is 4 * 8 and to get a hold of a 4, 8 can be divided by two. I never simply grab a number - I use what is given to get what I need.
Centered on the back wall of the room is a large map. I have yellow thumb tacks on every single place I would like to visit. I have green thumb tacks on ever place I have been. The yellow immensely outnumbers the green, but I'm making progress. Surrounding the maps I have pasted up postcards, photographs, articles, and old plane tickets. The travel wall is not my most frequently visited area of my brain but its presence creates an incessant anxiety to explore and absorb all the world can offer me.
In the far right corner and stretching the length of the right wall exists a bookshelf organized in sections. Furthest back and largest is by books I want to read, followed to the right by books I've read and will remember, adjacent to the smallest group - books have read but will forget, and then finally, of course, text books. Each faction is internally organized alphabetically by author. The bookshelf is deep mahogany and reaches the entire height of the wall. There are green velvet couches sporadically - but linearly - placed along the length of the bookshelf for convenient reading leisure.
In the center of the room sits a large, old, wooden desk. Frames decorate the desk along with an antique lamp and a considerable amount of papers and reference books (a dictionary, a thesaurus, and some hand outs from freshman English with the infamous Mr. Morris). The piles are relatively organized and held down by jars of pens, pencils, scissors, and paper clips. To the left of the desk, against the left wall is a series of file cabinets stacked three high. One drawer holds childhood memories, another holds best advice I have received, still another is a variety of quotations I have collected over the years ranging from humorous to inspiring.
Between the files and math hangs a giant bulletin board - its most prominent item, a calender. My in-mind planner keeps track of my busiest days and most peaceful weekends, of visits to friends and of dinner with the family. The bulletin board also boasts countless lists - from people I must contact to chores I must finish, from things I need at the grocery store to deadlines for projects.
The entire front wall of my mind is covered in photos of the people in my life - both those I like and those I do not. Those who mean the most to me have the most wall space but everyone I've ever known has a spot someplace. But the photos in my mind are not frozen in time. The photos on that wall are like those in Harry Potter - a miniature movie of sorts. The wall is like an art gallery of support. Everyone I have met has taught me one thing or another - be it what to be or what not to be. Everyone has a place in one of the file folders. They watch when my mind is caught in flurried chaos. They observe when the cogs of my mental space all cleanly mesh. I get to nod at them on the way out of my mind, acknowledging their impacts on me. They keep me grounded when I want to close the door.
I do my best to keep the red door to my mind open. Sometimes it swings to a crack but it never closes. My mind is a haven of sorts: structured, numerical, linear, and organized - an escape from the world. I do not, however, plan to lock of my personal refuge. Its development has relied on the entrance of more faces for my wall, more number for my left back corner, and more books for my right wall shelf. The piles on my desk will eventually change from college applications to job applications and the green of the map hopefully eventually overtake the yellow.
But my mind will still be organized. It will still be mine. It will still be quirky and borderline OCD. Numbers will continue to fascinate me and my library will never shrink. I can only hope to permanently prop open my red door, keep my welcome mat clean, and take on the world confidently and intelligently.
In the far left corner from the door my number masters would have their space that looks like a fusion of Wall Street and a professors chalkboard. The back left corner of my mind loves numbers. I can pass a license plate with the numbers 328 and a flurry ensues. I begin to find all the ways in which the numbers are related. 3+ 2 = 5 and 3 + 5 = 8. Also, 8 - 2 = 6 and 3 * 2 = 6. Furthermore, 32 is 4 * 8 and to get a hold of a 4, 8 can be divided by two. I never simply grab a number - I use what is given to get what I need.
Centered on the back wall of the room is a large map. I have yellow thumb tacks on every single place I would like to visit. I have green thumb tacks on ever place I have been. The yellow immensely outnumbers the green, but I'm making progress. Surrounding the maps I have pasted up postcards, photographs, articles, and old plane tickets. The travel wall is not my most frequently visited area of my brain but its presence creates an incessant anxiety to explore and absorb all the world can offer me.
In the far right corner and stretching the length of the right wall exists a bookshelf organized in sections. Furthest back and largest is by books I want to read, followed to the right by books I've read and will remember, adjacent to the smallest group - books have read but will forget, and then finally, of course, text books. Each faction is internally organized alphabetically by author. The bookshelf is deep mahogany and reaches the entire height of the wall. There are green velvet couches sporadically - but linearly - placed along the length of the bookshelf for convenient reading leisure.
In the center of the room sits a large, old, wooden desk. Frames decorate the desk along with an antique lamp and a considerable amount of papers and reference books (a dictionary, a thesaurus, and some hand outs from freshman English with the infamous Mr. Morris). The piles are relatively organized and held down by jars of pens, pencils, scissors, and paper clips. To the left of the desk, against the left wall is a series of file cabinets stacked three high. One drawer holds childhood memories, another holds best advice I have received, still another is a variety of quotations I have collected over the years ranging from humorous to inspiring.
Between the files and math hangs a giant bulletin board - its most prominent item, a calender. My in-mind planner keeps track of my busiest days and most peaceful weekends, of visits to friends and of dinner with the family. The bulletin board also boasts countless lists - from people I must contact to chores I must finish, from things I need at the grocery store to deadlines for projects.
The entire front wall of my mind is covered in photos of the people in my life - both those I like and those I do not. Those who mean the most to me have the most wall space but everyone I've ever known has a spot someplace. But the photos in my mind are not frozen in time. The photos on that wall are like those in Harry Potter - a miniature movie of sorts. The wall is like an art gallery of support. Everyone I have met has taught me one thing or another - be it what to be or what not to be. Everyone has a place in one of the file folders. They watch when my mind is caught in flurried chaos. They observe when the cogs of my mental space all cleanly mesh. I get to nod at them on the way out of my mind, acknowledging their impacts on me. They keep me grounded when I want to close the door.
I do my best to keep the red door to my mind open. Sometimes it swings to a crack but it never closes. My mind is a haven of sorts: structured, numerical, linear, and organized - an escape from the world. I do not, however, plan to lock of my personal refuge. Its development has relied on the entrance of more faces for my wall, more number for my left back corner, and more books for my right wall shelf. The piles on my desk will eventually change from college applications to job applications and the green of the map hopefully eventually overtake the yellow.
But my mind will still be organized. It will still be mine. It will still be quirky and borderline OCD. Numbers will continue to fascinate me and my library will never shrink. I can only hope to permanently prop open my red door, keep my welcome mat clean, and take on the world confidently and intelligently.
Saturday, July 18, 2009
I want to be a podium girl
Rhett is in jail and Scarlett still drives me nuts. Melanie and Ashley are finally reunited and I'm becoming a Confederate sympathizer. Yes - I'm sucked into Gone with the Wind. Scarlett is ridiculously shallow and Ashley is quite noble even if he calls himself a coward. I wish I was like Melanie. Miss Pittypat is utterly nonsensical. The book may be slow sometimes but I am completely enraptured by the novel.
I'm laying in bed, doused in minty muscle cream, and listening to Celine Dion. Yes, it is relaxing night. I just finished watching Stage 14 of Le Tour De France 2009. George Hincape got totally jipped of Yellow. I loved reading Lance Armstrong's Twitter. It's great to hear all the behind-the-scenes stuff from such a legend. His interviews are great too. The reporters ask some ridiculous questions and Lance has the poise to brush them off, subtly sarcastic with something drenched in the hint of "And how am I supposed to know that?" I also decided that for one summer, I'm going to be a Tour podium girl :-)
Life is slow and routine... But its also much too fast. I sort of want to pause, laying in the grass, surrounded by daises, simply to unravel my mind.
All my love - H
I'm laying in bed, doused in minty muscle cream, and listening to Celine Dion. Yes, it is relaxing night. I just finished watching Stage 14 of Le Tour De France 2009. George Hincape got totally jipped of Yellow. I loved reading Lance Armstrong's Twitter. It's great to hear all the behind-the-scenes stuff from such a legend. His interviews are great too. The reporters ask some ridiculous questions and Lance has the poise to brush them off, subtly sarcastic with something drenched in the hint of "And how am I supposed to know that?" I also decided that for one summer, I'm going to be a Tour podium girl :-)
Life is slow and routine... But its also much too fast. I sort of want to pause, laying in the grass, surrounded by daises, simply to unravel my mind.
All my love - H
Friday, June 12, 2009
Time scares me
Summer has been a wonderful break. Even though it has rained for a solid 3 weeks... its nice. We actually have grass which is an unusual development.
I'm having to have time off of brain usage but at the same time its hard to have so much time to think. I hate how fast everything moves. I want to skip ahead in time but I don't want to skip so quickly through my single four months that I am allotted with my very favorite person. It's going to fast and it's scary. In a mere six months I could know where I'm spending the next four years of my life. Hopefully, Plan Yummy Cookie will succeed. If not, we will manage but the prospect is an enticing one. I just want to hang on to every second possible while Jackson is here. I'm trying not to think about the end of August but it always finds a way into my head. And its stressful and sad.
Besides that, I'm nervous for camp. I am scared of not being on the smarter end of things. I'm also scared that what I think I want to do with my life is going to be completely wrong. Then all my plants are going to be thrown off. And being a planner... That's not exactly what I want to happen. I mean, I'm glad that I'll have exposure before I jump in but I'm also terrified for the nine days at UC Berkeley that are rapidly approaching.
Well, junior year stress still continues since I will be at BMHS at 7:45 in the morning to retake the ACT. Fun. But then Jackson and I are off to Denver and I'm so excited! We are going to have our wonderfully homey day and then go to the Old Spaghetti Factory and then to RENT! I'm rather thrilled about it :-)
Now that I've let my thoughts out I suppose sleep is in order.
Love from one confused and anxious but so very lucky girl ♥
I'm having to have time off of brain usage but at the same time its hard to have so much time to think. I hate how fast everything moves. I want to skip ahead in time but I don't want to skip so quickly through my single four months that I am allotted with my very favorite person. It's going to fast and it's scary. In a mere six months I could know where I'm spending the next four years of my life. Hopefully, Plan Yummy Cookie will succeed. If not, we will manage but the prospect is an enticing one. I just want to hang on to every second possible while Jackson is here. I'm trying not to think about the end of August but it always finds a way into my head. And its stressful and sad.
Besides that, I'm nervous for camp. I am scared of not being on the smarter end of things. I'm also scared that what I think I want to do with my life is going to be completely wrong. Then all my plants are going to be thrown off. And being a planner... That's not exactly what I want to happen. I mean, I'm glad that I'll have exposure before I jump in but I'm also terrified for the nine days at UC Berkeley that are rapidly approaching.
Well, junior year stress still continues since I will be at BMHS at 7:45 in the morning to retake the ACT. Fun. But then Jackson and I are off to Denver and I'm so excited! We are going to have our wonderfully homey day and then go to the Old Spaghetti Factory and then to RENT! I'm rather thrilled about it :-)
Now that I've let my thoughts out I suppose sleep is in order.
Love from one confused and anxious but so very lucky girl ♥
Thursday, March 26, 2009
Music
I love it when you are listening to the radio, your iPod on shuffle, or Pandora and a perfectly fitting song comes up. It's a wonderful feeling.
Especially when they remind me of Jackson :-) those are the best.
The snow came back. I'm rather sad. I was getting used to the 70-degree days. I'm so ready for spring and summer. Well, summer actually. It's my favorite time of year. I love how happy the flowers and sunshine make me.
I can't wait to lay in the green grass of the park in my favorite white sundress listening to my favorite music under the all-loving sunshine.
Summertime is the only thing getting me through at this point. I must make it through the next two months. And I will. I'll make it through and it will all be worth it.
I really only have to wait 50 days for *my* summer to show up :-)
That's all for now :-) just thought I'd share my happy thoughts of the moment.
Especially when they remind me of Jackson :-) those are the best.
The snow came back. I'm rather sad. I was getting used to the 70-degree days. I'm so ready for spring and summer. Well, summer actually. It's my favorite time of year. I love how happy the flowers and sunshine make me.
I can't wait to lay in the green grass of the park in my favorite white sundress listening to my favorite music under the all-loving sunshine.
Summertime is the only thing getting me through at this point. I must make it through the next two months. And I will. I'll make it through and it will all be worth it.
I really only have to wait 50 days for *my* summer to show up :-)
That's all for now :-) just thought I'd share my happy thoughts of the moment.
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